Category: Life

You know, those “things” that you discover by experience that “somebody” could have told you about, given you a heads up, perhaps a subtle hint or something rather that discovering it cold turkey.

Many of these “things” seem to be age related. As you get older have you ever found yourself thinking “I wish somebody had told/cautioned/warned me about this?” “Why didn’t by parents/grandparents/close friends/co-workers tell me that this might happen?”

Here is a recent “things they don’t tell you” that I’ve experienced.

After an ostomy your farts are no longer under your control in any way shape or form and they are now stored in a bag.

They tell you all kinds of other stuff and some stuff you just seem to know. In an ostomy somewhere on you intestinal tract it is diverted onto a stoma (opening in the body) and your intestinal output (aka poop) is diverted into an ostomy bag. This bag needs care. My first into to this care was “emptying 2x per day and changing 2x per week”. Turns out there are exceptions to this when things go wrong (aka there is a leak) but generally true.

But along with poop your farts have been diverted into the bag too. Farts can be pretty smelly but now they are mixed and allowed to marinate with the other contents of the bag, poop. This does not enhance the situation.

These bags have a charcoal filter at the top for venting the gas and in my experience so far with two different bag types these gas releasing filters can work quite differently.

Bag type #1 allowed a pretty free flow of the gas. Also, the charcoal part did very little to neutralize the smell. Since the bag is on the front of your body and under your pants and shirt the fart flow out of this bag, up the inside of you shirt and exits the collar right under you nose. Not pleasant at all especially if you’re eating dinner with friends ?

Bag type #2 has a very similar looking charcoal filter valve but it’s way more restrictive. The result is farts accumulate and the bag blows up like a ballon! ?Now there is this big bulge under your clothes it’s a little uncomfortable and you’re left wondering if it will explode or the whole bag will detach unexpectedly from your body. Neither has happened yet but the thought is pretty scary. The solution? “Burp the Bag”. This is similar to the emptying procedure but the only goal is to let out the gas. This would be best done outside in a nice light breeze but it’s winter in Winnipeg and this option is a little less feasible at -25°C. Lot of air freshener and working to prevent stinking up the entire house is the name of the game. The “burp” can be pretty intense with a collection of marinated farts.

Probably a super close friend who’s experienced an ostomy would clue you in to the finer points but, I guess like a lot of life, experience is still the teacher.